In search for God..

I just finished reading the book "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown. The book is quite good, it being well-researched and all. The book circled on the issue on science and its implications towards faith, a topic which always get me started.

Science has been considered by many as the enemy of religion. This premise has been solidified through time -- each progress of science compositely refute stronger the foundations upon which faith was built in. But in this, some people claim that science is not an enemy of religion but only a purifier of it. But this brings up a question of whether truth is a necessity of faith, since what is being questioned is not the validity of one's beliefs but the adherence of one's action to what he believes in.

Is it no longer important to ask whether Jesus really died for the salvation of man or was he just an eccentric figure made famous through the perceived inspiration by his followers? Is it really no longer important to ask if God is a being akin to us, since we are created in his image? Do we only have to live believing that there is a God, without understanding his nature?

I was a strong believer (or to honestly put, strongly wanted to believe) in God's existence. But I have become an agnostic due to the many inconsistencies that make my belief an ironic fallacy.

I can't believe there is a God who loves, and cares..but turns a blind eye to unborn fetuses, famished children, and the aged. And I can't believe in a God of truth, but disallows the very basic faculty into which truth is acheived. And I can't believe in a God of justice, but punishes those whose only fault was being born in a different place, far from the reach of the messengers of his Gospel.

Science and rationalization points that God could most probably be a just a concept. An idea concocted by man to fill in his misunderstanding and ignorance of his world. God is a convenient explanation to some thing one does not understand, perhaps because man being a rational creature could not accept the idea of chaos and irrationality of the universe.

But then going back..does it really matter if God exist? Does it make a difference if the world revolve around the sun when everyone thinks the universe revolve around the earth? Is truth less important than belief?

I am an unbeliever of the God that most people preach today...maybe there is a God..different from what most understood..and maybe meant to never be in touch with our own mundane lives....maybe God exists..or does not..but does it matter?

Maybe for many it does not..but it matters everything to me..

foolishness of old..

I just remembered, I wrote a stupid poem 2 years ago...what was I thinking..

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..Geeky Love from an Astrophysicist

Eons may have passed, and that the great
wanderers of the universe may have
made their light-years
Yet none of these compare to the magnitude
by which my love for you can be measured.
Apparently, your brightness and energy fill
me, engulf me with such velocity my heart
inevetably explodes
As though billions of supernovas were so
inifinitissimaly compressed
Seeking release and refuge from such minute space.
The cosmos which encompasses innumerability
has been so generously, so meticulously kind
Giving me a gift I would have received
against an odd of extreme improbability.
My life was but a footnote of insignificance
Cataclysmically, with hope tis now endowed
And power, enough to chase dreams that even
the stars so distant are but within my reach.

Never gonna watch a date movie on my own ever again...

There was this very humid day when my apartment was so unbearable to sleep in (ala aircon, poor lang po me). So I decided to go mall-ratting when I saw on the movie guide "the wedding date". hmmm.. the star of the movie was in the original wedding movie "My Best Friend's wedding" (I think this is a real sequel to the movie..he and the girl split up..and he now makes a living doing high class escort services). Well anyways, I was a fan of the former so I decided to check this one out. I bought a 99 (!..in an Extra challenge feature..one family of 10 eats for the day spending less than that) peso ticket. Going in, the damn lights of Gateway cinema shone on me so brightly that my oily head shines like Enceladus viewed from midnight Arizona. Needless to say, I was exhibit A -- lonely homo sapien losing the battle of bloodline extinction due to inherent gene defect causing immobilized verbal and mental activity when introduced to specimens of a dominant female variety of mutated chimpanzees. Some were actually sorry for me...others disgusted at seeing someone breaking the tradition and formality of such a sacred ritual of cuddling in the dark, everyone's excited to start.

Well, I've payed 99 pesos so I've decided to live this experience through. I saw a an empty chair in the middle of the upper portion of the cinema. What a luck! Two girls are sitting beside it. So grabbing the oppurtunity, I somewhat rushed to the seat and sat down with a big smug on my face (touch down!). The boyfriends of those girls were somewhat alarmed at seeing a lunatic sitting beside the apple's of their eyes, which resulted to their reactions of pulling the girls towards them in a very objectively uncomfortable position (they say, when your in love..nothing else matters) corralling the ladies with the reach of their arms.

There's a reason some films are called "date movies"...

Watching alone, one feels alot lonelier when the protagonist kisses the maiden in distress (or in this case, the distressful maiden). One feels so out-of-place when in the climax of the movie lovers (and puppy lovers) cuddle to cheerish the moment. Some cry, some laugh, and some even steal kisses in the dark (obviously I was no longer watching the movie and instead was spying around). And one's laughter just seem so ajar and self-conscious, feeling that the everyone's paying attention to the one who couldn't bring a date.

For 99 pesos..I paid to learn a lesson not found in the movie script.

a love letter?

I was supposed to send the letter below to this particular girl who has been on my mind alot lately. But something made me think, and hold back...since then

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I heard a song on the radio yesterday. It was perhaps of the blues genre, sang by a band that sounds alot like Blessid. The lyrics was smooth flowing and simple, and yet it drawed from me alot of emotions and memories...and wishful thinkings. The chorus/refrain (I really don't understand the difference between the two..but usually the climax of the song is located in those sections) really hit..I don't fully remember the lines now but it goes something like "..she loves to stay up all night..slow dancing in the moonlight...she loves christmas lights all year round..i put them up...put them down..it's about everything she likes"..I'm sorry I don't remember the title of the song...otherwise I would have requested it a hundred times in all the radio stations in the city..hoping that by chance you would clearly hear through the music what I now..and I guess have for quite some time already...felt for you.

I am taking a long shot...but I believe that one should pursue passionately what one fervently hopes for...

Perhaps like alot of other guys..I am one who dreams of being the one who makes you smile..and do, or just be with you doing all those things that you like. And to make things ok, when they are not alright...hoping that all of these would amount to a love good enough for you to always be mine...

I'm a hopeless romantic I know..and for that you might think that I am only in love with the song...but I am pretty sure that I am in love with the idea of loving you with all that I am...

They say I that I have always been a master with words...trifling with all those petty syllables to form something sweet to hear..but know that with you I only plan to be simple and always true..I have never been good in something like this...and I was always too shy too ask...but...will you let me have you, always mine to love?


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