The world is filled with men loved by women whom they don't deserve.
During the height of idealism I was so caught with idea of "giving the girl what she deserves". Time after time I have been letting pass all those girls who each have become special at some point in my life; because I have always felt that I was not worthy of them. And that they deserve something more. And that I can't offer them who I am because I was always lacking.
It was so true.
I have lived on this premise diligently, but there were times when I couldn't help myself. There were times when I caved in and asked the girl to be mine anyway. After I have played this line of thinking of course -- which makes the girl confused. Some had said that they liked me in the beginning but have already conditioned themselves to be just a friend to me because they thought that's all they were to me. Of course, there were those who have always considered me to be just a friend.
Hai. I am broken hearted lately as my heart has once again caved in. And so after some weeks of thinking, I have finally decided to let the girl know. And so let her know I did.
It didn't turn out well.
The sad thing is I really don't know if there was something to begin with, or if only I had let my imagination go to far. Well, I guess I wanted to let her know anyway regardless of what she feels for me. So I am somewhat happy beyond the bitterness that I now feel.
But of course, no matter how positive you take a look at it..it's still different when things had turn out for the better.
I guess my only regret is that I have not been fully honest with my feelings from the start. Looking back I realize that I would have had less things to be sorry about had I been acting truly the way I feel from the beginning.
Sure, perhaps it wouldn't have changed the outcome. But it would have changed somewhat how I am feeling now.
As what I have mentioned before..sometimes the truth scares us that we settle for a pretense.
I won't do that ever again. I promise to be braver from now on. Be more honest..and be less idealistic.
The world is filled with wonderful women who will love you for who you are no matter what. I guess I am just
waiting for the one who will make her unfortunate mistake on me. I wish her all the best of bad luck.
Hehehe.
Life, bring it on!!
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