The ultimate postulate

The world is filled with men loved by women whom they don't deserve.


During the height of idealism I was so caught with idea of "giving the girl what she deserves". Time after time I have been letting pass all those girls who each have become special at some point in my life; because I have always felt that I was not worthy of them. And that they deserve something more. And that I can't offer them who I am because I was always lacking.

It was so true.

I have lived on this premise diligently, but there were times when I couldn't help myself. There were times when I caved in and asked the girl to be mine anyway. After I have played this line of thinking of course -- which makes the girl confused. Some had said that they liked me in the beginning but have already conditioned themselves to be just a friend to me because they thought that's all they were to me. Of course, there were those who have always considered me to be just a friend.

Hai. I am broken hearted lately as my heart has once again caved in. And so after some weeks of thinking, I have finally decided to let the girl know. And so let her know I did.

It didn't turn out well.

The sad thing is I really don't know if there was something to begin with, or if only I had let my imagination go to far. Well, I guess I wanted to let her know anyway regardless of what she feels for me. So I am somewhat happy beyond the bitterness that I now feel.

But of course, no matter how positive you take a look at it..it's still different when things had turn out for the better.

I guess my only regret is that I have not been fully honest with my feelings from the start. Looking back I realize that I would have had less things to be sorry about had I been acting truly the way I feel from the beginning.

Sure, perhaps it wouldn't have changed the outcome. But it would have changed somewhat how I am feeling now.

As what I have mentioned before..sometimes the truth scares us that we settle for a pretense.

I won't do that ever again. I promise to be braver from now on. Be more honest..and be less idealistic.

The world is filled with wonderful women who will love you for who you are no matter what. I guess I am just
waiting for the one who will make her unfortunate mistake on me. I wish her all the best of bad luck.

Hehehe.

Life, bring it on!!

Truly in love?

Lately I have been losing quite alot of sleep..and sanity over this girl. I've been thinking alot. Am I really in love with her? Is my love real? Am I good enough?

I dunno..it's just that she makes me smile alot. Makes me happy alot (I spent the new year with her at her house).

Everytime she smiles I am happy. And thoughts cloud my mind...thoughts..dreams of being the one who makes her happy.

But there are times I feel confused. Am I someone more than a friend to her? Or she is just one of those really wonderful kind of girls who are naturally sweet and kind.

There are times when she ignores me. And that makes me feel as though I am just a plain friend. Garrrrrgg. This is so confusing.

Why don't you ask her?

Yeah I will. I'm just waiting for the perfect time to be rejected. Or be wonderfully surprised. Wish me luck

Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.