Tindahan Ni Aling Nena — The Later Years

A fan fiction.  Warning: This is a depressing story.  Read at your own risk.
(For some background, see: https://genius.com/Eraserheads-tindahan-ni-aling-nena-lyrics)


"Merde! Huhuhu, Buloooy! Ipapatokhang ka daw ni Kuya," cried Joy.  It was only a few days ago when they first met and fell in love at first sight in front of the "Sari-sari" store owned by Joy's grandmother.  They've been meeting in secret but have now been discovered.  Their respective parents were not pleased.

Joy was born and raised in Montreal, Canada.  Her mother has moved there over 20 years ago, married a local, and founded a family.   She curses a lot, though some would say it's only because French is her native tongue.  She, her mother, and her older brother came home to visit her ailing grandmother -- known in their Baranggay as Aling Nena.

Buloy was born and raised in Cagayan de Oro.  A proud "Bisdak", as the locals would label themselves.  A college student by day, a popular vlogger by night.  His journalist father, like all good fathers, is disappointed in him; for having no interest in vlogging about the current political climate.

For some reason unknown to them, their families seem to harbor some irrational hatred for each other.  Rumor has it that Buloy's father still was not over Joy's mom, who rejected his advances back then; she was already in the process of migrating to Canada at that time.  But this was of course already over 2 decades ago.  It did not help that Joy's parents is what some people would now call "Dutertards"; while Buloy's parents some would now label as "Dilawan".  Why must the fight of the parents affect the children? They asked themselves.  Why all the polarized discussions and labelling?  Can't anyone have any rational conversation anymore?

"Huwag ka mag-alala, bukas kakausap ko si Kuya Jay mo," replied Buloy. Gago yun ah, sya nga yung mukhang adik! Buloy decided to keep that thought to himself however.

The next day, Buloy and Kuya Jay met.  What was meant to be a calm conversation turned a bit heated.  Insults were exchanged.  Things escalated to shoving.  Finally, punches were thrown.  Mas maniniwala pa ako kay Mocha, kesa sa Tatay mo! Those were Kuya Jay's last words.  Buloy could not believe that in his anger he had killed Kuya Jay.

What's the future for me and Joy now?  Buloy silently cried as the cops arrived.  One of them is Joy's Uncle Lando.

Two days later it was reported that Buloy commited suicide while in custody.  He shot himself in the back of his head -- three times the report said.

Joy in her grief of losing her beloved brother and later of her newfound lover, hanged herself after downing a bottle of sleeping pills.

...

It's all in the mind

He was standing on a field painted gold by sunflowers
 The hills were emerald green, and the sky was turquoise blue
Wide open spaces extend to the horizon from everywhere
He should have been happy, but instead he felt trapped...

For his mind has put up invisible walls that enclosed him like a suffocating box
He wanted to shout on the top of his lungs but he felt his voice drowned by imaginary noises

The only place where he felt happy was in the dark corner of his room where his mind roam free.

Is it so hard to believe?

It is very simple, or so they say
You must believe in yourself, come what may
And yet for many the words ring hollow
Asking why is it so hard to follow
Perhaps the words that should have been given
"Be someone you yourself can believe in"

Going back on my mental man cave

For the past few days I've been waking up very early in the morning and cannot go back to sleep.  So it got me back to thinking about my favorite topic in college -- Philosophy.



One of my favorite allegories is the "Allegory of the Cave"

A rough, probably technically wrong but essentially correct  tldr;



People are imprisoned since birth inside a cave facing a blank wall.  Their reality is formed only by shadows and echos of figures and sounds fabricated by their captors.

A prisoner is freed and told that what he sees now is what's real and that what's on the wall is wrong -- except he cannot accept this and wants to go back to what he is used to.

Another one is released and accepts the "new" reality, comes back to let his companions know of a different world out there, but the other prisoners conclude that him getting released to the outside damaged his sense of reality and conclude that it was he who was seeing wrong.



Though it is only an allegory (on education) it is quite relatable to the minute details of our lives -- especially in this age of high speed, high quality misinformation.



Maybe the things we've grown to believe are just shadows, mere echos.  But how do we know?

Maybe we can't be blamed for not being able to recognize other truths -- we know no better.  We might even fight tooth and nail to hold on to the beliefs that have so deeply entrenched themselves in  our minds.  We are humans, who can fault us to find refuge in the things that are already comfortable and familiar? We are even so good at deceiving ourselves.



In these questions one might realize that sometimes it is a futile attempt to make others see otherwise.  And sometimes it could be the case that the one who is so sure of his truths is the one who is mistaken.



How much then do truths and realities matter over co-existence? Who decides for the others?



I could only share what I've learned: it helps to accept that being humans we could be wrong -- and we should at least entertain other thoughts and points of view, even if we do not accept them in the end.







I would conclude...I wish I could sleep longer in the next few days.

Do you believe in life after life?

I remember this conversation I've had with a friend years back, where the topic started with programming but ended up a little bit philosophical.
In it he basically commented that most discussions focus on the afterlife, and not so much before life.
And he said that if you were just fine before it (fine on being non-existent for example), there's no reason to be not fine after it.

I am always amazed by this insight whenever I remember this discussion.

Maybe the reason we are so concerned of the after life is that now that we have awakened from nothingness we can no longer bear the idea of being non-existent.  I think that is quite understandable, this desire to be living forever.

What is unfortunate however, is that this desire, this unfeasible want leads to people being manipulated into beliefs which would otherwise be obviously unrealistic and childish.